I want you back
by Doggyrooroo
Summary: Starts after 8x24 with Nikki and Lorraine breaking up. Will they get back together? or have all their chances of a relationship been ruined?
1. Chapter 1

Lorraine's point of view:

I'm kneeling down in the shabby old bathroom, feeling the tears leave wet streaks down my cheek, as her words burn my ears. 'I'm not willing to put my heart on the line, so you can get some practise at being a human being.' I guess I should have expected that. I got what was coming to me. The woman who is all business, I haven't ever had practise at this; whatever this was or had been exactly. The world around me is silent except my occasional choking sobs that rack out the room. If only I had let her in and maybe not mixed business with pleasure, she's still be mine. I've lost my girlfriend and sister in less than a day. Nice one Lorraine.

I stood up and took a deep breath, feeling empty, reminding me I am all alone. My makeup is smudged and my hair slightly messed up from the amount of times I had run my hands through it. It would be better if she was here, she'd have run her thumb under the tears capturing my sadness and when she wrapped her arms around my waist, I'd let out a sigh before resting my head on her shoulder. I didn't realise I was capable of thinking like that about anyone. I love her.

I guess these tears are good, proof that I'm human. Instead of relishing in them I'm in pain. I slide down against the wall and double over in the empty darkness.

Nikki:

'_I've got some amazing plans for the school, and you and me; we're the ones to make it happen.' Lorraine had claimed. I could feel her intense gaze, those sharp blue eyes, watching for my reaction. She really was beautiful. She took hold of my face and pulled it towards her's planting a kiss on my lips softly. She released and I glanced back up at her. Her eyes kept flitting between my lips and my eyes and I did the same likewise. Her lips looked so kissable. She kissed me again and I stood up from where I had been sitting. I snaked my arm around her waist and another behind her slender neck. I felt her run her hands through the back of my hair. God that felt nice. Our kisses became stronger; more passionate. We'd both jumped in without thinking of the possible implications of what we had just done. My heart was pounding in my chest from the kiss, the feeling I had got when I looked into her eyes and now the dread of what the hell is going to happen now. _

That had been a few weeks ago and now she'd broken up with me, or I'd broken up with her,something like that. First telling me she couldn't do 'this', mixing business with pleasure and it felt as though anything that had happened between us didn't mean anything. More like I didn't mean anything. If she'd been cold then I'd been icy. I hadn't wanted to hear it, it was something I'd heard before and I wasn't interested in an on-off, hot-cold relationship where sometimes I was all that mattered when it suited.

'I understand and I sympathise but I'm not willing to put my heart on the line so you can have some practise at being a human being.' She had looked at me with those blue eyes that I had fallen for, filling with tears. 'I'm sorry just the way it is.' I had muttered bluntly before turning around and walking off.

After racing home I had just crashed down onto the sofa, kicking my shoes off. My words had cut her but she'd hurt me. I didn't know what to do or what I was going to do. I took a deep breath and burst into tears. I'd fallen for her. After a few hours of feeling sorry for myself, watching the tv a programme ,about this and that , that I couldn't pay full attention too and watching the ice cream melt like my heart, I jumped up. Rubbing the remains of my tears, I threw on my shoes, grabbed my jacket and keys and slammed the door. She needed to hear this.


	2. Chapter 2

Driving through town, the lights from other cars and buildings flashing past as I sped towards my destination; Lorraine's house. I knew where it was from the time I had spent there during the Easter break. Tears threatened to spill out of the corner of my eyes, I couldn't do this, I need to be the strong one. 'Come on Boston.' I sigh as I pull up to her house and park amongst the gravel, her red Ferrari glimmering under the distant stars.

The rain was starting to set in but that was the last thing I was thinking about, I was already thinking ahead to what I was actually going to say. The idea of planning the words in my head was a small comfort but it was too late now as I was at her doorstep. The door ajar slightly, she had seen me coming.

Her cheeks and under her eyes were puffy, red, she'd been crying. She wasn't the only one I thought. 'Nik.' She said almost a whisper. 'Nik….I.' I shook my head. '. I stepped back slightly cold from the weather outside and bitter from the way things had ended so suddenly. I looked up from the floor to her face. 'I should go, erm it was a mistake me coming here, forget it ever happened.' I replied turning around, making my way back up the path. 'Nikki Boston you listen to me now!' She has said it louder that time. I froze in my tracks with my back still facing her. 'I love you.' She shouted. 'Love. Yet you said you don't mix business with pleasure. So what was I to you?' I reply icily, it was going to take a lot more than that to convince me. 'Nikki, I've never done this before, I pushed you aside and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I want to let you in but I don't know how.' She blurted waiting for me to react. Slowly I turned to face her. I couldn't help but soften my facial expression at the sight of her. Beautiful blond curls cascading down her shoulders casing her face, her pale complexion and shiny blue eyes. Her lips puckering slightly as she was breathing quickly in panic. I started walking towards her stopping at the doormat.

Lorraine's point of view:

Nikki had moved nearer. Her dark brown hair was ebbing at the side of her cheeks, just the way I found her attractive. Her arms wrapped across her chest; attempting to provide herself with some form of comfort. She opened her mouth as if she was going to answer me but quickly thought better of it. 'Nik.' I whisper. She shut her eyes and I watched as one solid tear fell down her face. 'Nik talk to me.' I started towards her and placed my hands firmly on her waist regardless of the argument we'd been having; beautiful girls like her weren't made to cry. 'Lorraine I….' she choked back some tears but silenced when my hand reached up to her cheek cupping it softly in my palm. 'I can't do this being close then being pushed away when people see, when they find out that we're together. I need you to be in this or nothing at all. I've done this before, had relationships with people and I can't keep moving back to square one. 'She stated shaking her head. 'Nik, I didn't mean what I said.' 'Why say it then?' she retorted. 'I'm scared.' 'Of what?' She raised her hands in confusion. 'Letting myself love you.' I responded. 'I don't do this touchy feely emotions and I need time to get to know what we are what this is, all I know is that I love you. I'd have never dreamed this would happen.' 'Falling for a co-worker or a girl?' 'Both.'

We both stared into each other's eyes for a second, the longest bloody second I'd ever had to be honest. Her dark blue eyes scanning my face for any hidden emotions I was portraying. 'I'll erm…..'She turned to leave 'Nik wait.' I rushed towards her, now or never to prove my affections I suppose. I grabbed her fiercely, passionate, with no fear as to what would happen next. Our lips met. For a second I felt hers trembling, before she relaxed into my arms. Her arms uncrossed moved up and down the sides of my waist. My hands entangled in her short brown hair. I bite her bottom lip and she slides her tongue across mine, the rain saturating her top, accentuating her slim waist beneath the tight fitting shirt. God I've never wanted someone more in my life.


	3. Chapter 3

I pull her towards me gripping her waist. We leave a trail of shoes as we make our way towards my bedroom. Her fingers lightly unzipping my dress slowly sliding it down my shoulders with her kisses softly following. I prised open her shirt and I let the tip of my tongue press against her pink lips. She let out a small moan as I started to run my hands down her chest stopping at the curve of her perfect breasts. Pulling down her trousers so we were both in only our underwear. I couldn't help but gaze at her skin that I could see, milky white and cool. My heart was pounding in my chest. Her hands at my hip lifting me up so my legs could be wrapped around her. Her fingers running through my hair, mine caressing her cheeks.

It's like we couldn't even remember the argument we'd had. For these precious moments spent with Nikki; I didn't think about budgets, money, the school, all I could think of was how beautiful she is, and how attracted I am to her. My thoughts lost as I interlock my lips with hers. Her hair smelling of strawberries. I gripped her hand tightly running my fingers tracing the shape of her long, slender ones, whilst my other one gently tucked a strand of chestnut hair behind her ear. The glistening warmth in her eyes made me feel comfortable, completely safe, as we lost ourselves together in a sea of blankets. Her fingers traced the contours of my spine. The scent of Nikki took over my senses. I grazed the tip of my nose against her own. She let out a small giggle. Even Nik, the scary, in charge, no messing with woman couldn't stop herself from smiling slightly.

'I want you Nik.' I smiled gently as she slid my pants down over my hips and I did the same to her before unhooking her bra. Naked, looking at Nikki like that for the first time; she was stunning. Her body toned, perfect. 'Nikki you're perfect.' 'Not as perfect as you, Lorraine you're beautiful.' Lying down on top of her, placing my legs in between her, I kissed down to her pelvic bone which I traced with my hands. She seemed perfectly happy to respond with kisses on my slightly glossed lips and down my neck. Her toes pressed against my calf's. Her sweet breath, hot against my neck; we needed each other. After a while she laid her head against my chest nestled close. Our breathing patterns synchronised. 'I want us to work Nik, I really do. 'I whispered stroking her hair. 'Us.' Nikki smiled softly. 'Yes, I really do love you.' 'You know what Lorraine.' 'What?' I looked lost in Nikki's eyes panicking slightly at what her reply was going to be. 'I love you too.' That was enough for me; I was happy.

_When I found you my heart found a home –Falling for you-Seabird._


	4. Chapter 4

Waking up with Lorraine was one of the things, which were going to make my day today. She was sleeping softly with her back to me. Running my hand down her bare arm, I breathed in her smell. She really was beautiful and I was lucky to have her in my arms. I kissed between her shoulders and down her neck. She moaned before rolling over to face me. Placing her legs between my own under the blanket, I was pleased to see how well we fitted together. Kissing me she spoke sleep still present in her voice 'Morning.' Smiling back I ran my hand through her blond cascading curls that I loved so much 'Morning yourself.' She grinned like the Cheshire cat and I couldn't help but stifle a small giggle as she ran her hand down my hip tracing my nose with her own. 'Come on you, we'd better get ready for work, don't want to be late.' 'Mmhh.' I agreed although quite selfishly I wasn't willing or ready to let her go. 'I'm gonna take a shower.' She told me peeling back the covers, destroying our paradise. 'I can come with you.' I teased kissing her from behind.

So less than two hours later, after showering together and quickly glugging down some brain wake up remedy aka coffee, we found ourselves in the Waterloo Road car park. 'Ready?' she questioned opening the door of her expensive car and walking round the other side to greet me. 'Yeah.' I nodded pulling her in for a quick squeeze and a kiss. 'You know we can't do this here Nikki.' She said sternly like the voice that she uses for the pupils when they've done something wrong. 'I know I just wish we had five more minutes.' I sighed truthally. 'Well let me shout you a drink later.' She replied already walking away her heels clicked familiarly on the pavement.

The day was going painfully slowly without her and I was sitting in the staffroom at lunch finding myself dreaming of Lorraine, like some stupid teen in love. I hadn't even realised Tom had sat down beside me until he nudged me playfully. 'Hey Nikki, earth to Nikki.' Waving his hand in front of my face I finally came back to reality. 'Tom, hey.' 'Reckon you've got some secret lover the way you're acting.' 'As if!' I snorted laughing. 'Go on, I know that look anywhere, go on tell me.' 'I'm not going to let you know anything about my personal life.' I replied. 'You know we are mates so you can tell me, tell you what I'll buy you a drink, pub after school?' he rambled on. 'Sorry can't already got plans with….' I stopped myself before I could say her name. I mean Lorraine was only just getting used to the idea of us; I didn't want any gossip going around the teachers and especially not the students. 'Hhmmm so there is someone.' He said thoughtfully. I shook my head. 'Let me have 10 guesses.' 'Five. And even then I won't tell you.' I said taunting him. 'Five, I'll take what you give me.' He ran his hands through his hair evidentially thinking about the first victim that'd he'd pair me with, this could be interesting. 'Tom come on this isn't a 20 questions game; you're as bad as the kids.' I said laughing. 'Michael.' He said rubbing his stubble. 'What?' I questioned. 'You're seeing Michael.' 'Oh my god Tom no way, you think I'd find him attractive.' I burst out laughing. 'Fine….Budgen.' 'You're not serious?' 'Yeah well you never know.' He shrugged. 'Come on Tom, you're definitely not of the century but in case you didn't realise Budgen is with Maggie.' I sighed in disbelief at how silly Tom's guesses were and how far away he was from the actual answer.

At that precise moment Lorraine appeared at the door. 'Hey everyone.' I looked up and smiled. She had busied herself making a cup of coffee; god she was beautiful. I felt my eyes staring at her looking at everything from her hair, the slightly glossed lips, the hair with a strand that I love to tuck behind her ear, her piercing blue eyes, her petite waist, her breasts. She glanced over quickly before she left. I felt myself blushing. 'So, you and Lorraine huh?' he asked. 'No…..' I replied defensively. 'I didn't know you were gay.' 'Erm…I have to erm.' I got up and left before he had a chance to say anything. I hoped and prayed he wouldn't. God this going round the school is really the last thing either me or Lorraine needs right now.


	5. Chapter 5

So far Tom was quiet. It still couldn't escape my thoughts as I went down the hallway. At the same time there were good thoughts of the blonde benefactor; her eyes, her slim waist, how it felt to kiss her. I ran my hand through my hair and sighed. As usual Barry Barry was standing acting suspiciously around the PRU. ' are you going to go inside today at all?' I questioned. 'Anything for you Miss, or maybe not turns out I'm not your type at all!' he jeered looking in my face for a response. My immediate reaction would have been what did you say? How do you know? Years in the army had taught me to contain my reaction until later. 'Just get inside, NOW!' he sniggered before sliding into his seat.

It took less than 5 minutes before he made a valiant effort to disrupt again, a paper aeroplane gliding across the classroom, aiming slightly in my direction. 'Watch out Miss, we're going to Ibiza!' I interrupted before seeing where this was going. 'Extremely childish . Need I remind you that this is your final chance! Spit out the gum.' I put the bin in his direction pointing in it in case his brain was incapable of knowing quite literally where to stick it. 'Woahh Miss don't get too close, I don't want to catch it!' I froze for a second, what was he implying? 'Right everyone read chapter 3, I want to see some notes on the themes from Of Mice and Men especially the racism and how it is accepted in the society back then compared to today.' That ought to keep them busy for a while. Was Barry doing the work no, he was busy sniggering at something on his phone. 'Hand it over Barry.' Putting my hand in front of him. 'No way Miss you nosy homo!' he shouted. That was enough for me… 'RIGHT GET OUT!' I shouted. He didn't he just stood up, squaring right at me. 'Where are you getting this from?' I asked. 'Oh come on you know well especially Donnegan, I didn't think she was gay. But you, you've got the haircut and all!' Everyone stopped and looked. Some looked shocked like me, some laughed, and some had the look of horror. 'You gay Miss?' Scout questioned. 'Yeah she is and I've got the picture to prove it!' he shouted. I was trying not to cry, desperately. He ran around the room showing a picture, my guess was as good as anyone else's but as I looked up they were all gasping. 'Stop it' I didn't even have the strength to shout anymore, I felt terrified. Tears were threatening to spill out of my eyes. 'Everyone should know that you're a stupid dyke, why are people like you allowed in the school?' he screamed and everyone roared. Tom burst in. 'That's it everyone settle down, Barry out!' He managed to control the class in a heartbeat, usually that was me but they didn't look at me in the same way anymore.

I found myself sitting in 's office with a tissue held deep in the palm of my hands. Barry's phone lay on the table untouched with the could I say, a picture says a thousand words. We were sat in Lorraine's car, it was the morning when she had kissed me goodbye, quickly and gently yet it still happened. Barry had obviously been snooping around and snapped the picture. Michael wouldn't feel any sympathy, although it was outside school hours technically, it was on school property. I sat there timid. Lorraine burst in. Shutting the door behind her she made her way to his desk, Michael sat there stone faced and I sat there with the tracks of where my tears had been still wet slightly. 'Michael, you wanted to see me.' She spoke extremely business like even though she knew exactly what was going on. 'I think you'd better sit down.' He showed her to the chair that was placed besides mine, with a gap between on purpose. 'Actually no, I don't think that will be necessary.' She denied his offer, only Lorraine could get away with that. 'What you and Nikki did is….' Lorraine put her hands up in protest and carried on arguing her point. 'Michael you can hardly be one to judge, I mean you and Christine I see the looks between you too. Also it's not like you haven't seen a gay couple before god this is the 21st century or did I mistake the Michael I know for someone else?' she questioned raising her eyebrow at him and smiling at me slightly. A couple, the first time I had heard Lorraine say that to someone else out so clearly. She obviously really did care. I smiled slightly to show my appreciation but ended up being like more of a grimace just purely for the fact that after the things Barry had said it reminded me of being 15 in the school playground. 'It's not that Lorraine I mean it happened on the school property, that's the problem!' he was struggling of what to say back. Lorraine knew Michael well and as she always says she's a black belt in the dark art of persuasion. 'Well I think personally more to the point you need to do something about the respect people show in this school, homophobia is no laughing matter Michael. We're done here.' She gave him one last cold hard glance before talking to me 'Nik, come on let's get you home.' She took my hand gently leading me out of his office. Whether holding my hand was for comfort or to annoy Michael I had no idea.

'Thanks Lorraine, for everything today.' I sniffed. 'It's alright really Nikki; you're worth sticking up for.' Her perfect white smile put me off balance. I reached into her arms letting the last of my tears run down her blouse. She rested her chin on my head, her arms wrapped tightly around my waist holding me close. 'Tomorrow's going to be better Nik I promise.'


	6. Chapter 6

**Lorraine's point of view:**

I had to be there for Nikki. In order to be who I wanted to be I had brushed everything under the carpet, shoved aside any other feelings I had. I was foremost a business woman; they knew so little about me. I struggle to let people in; I haven't even spoken to my sister. I feel like I can't trust anyone.

'You're not coming in?' A small voice asked, Nikki standing at the door still clutching my hand tightly in hers. The way I see it there were options and different avenues I could possibly take. I could go with her and do what I'd really love to do. I love Nikki, I truly believe this is love but I can't bring myself to let her see me all the way tonight, with the stress of the school and how it's all going recently my slight burning issue is pushing down a ton of weight and I'm struggling to get it off my chest. It presses against me constantly and I'm always battling and fighting back but nothing just the empty feeling and the guilt wash over me. Or I could go in and talk. Just talk. On the surface it sounds simple but I stick with three; the cowards way out. 'Erm I've got a ton of work to do and I should really have an early night.' I lie, there was nothing waiting for me at home except an empty glass and a filled wine glass chilling with my name engraved, a way to soothe the issues. I bit my tongue through gritted teeth; it was so obviously a lie. 'Oh…..ok. I could help and you could sleep here, I'll order in and we can have an early night?' she suggests sweetly and I don't blame her after today I'd want the secure feeling, to show that whatever happens I'm still loved by somebody. But I find myself letting go, twirling and turning the blonde locks around my finger as I drive.

The impulse was something I could resist sometimes during the day but without people around me, I fell into the trap. It was like bait and I fell for it every time. I moved my perfectly manicured hand to the back of my head and begun to pull. It was an impulse, something that released the stress of the business's I had to run. I was overworked and tired and even with all the money I had acquired , it couldn't have solved my problems as a child.

I had started pulling as a young girl, I had never told anyone or explained and I never let anyone see my natural hair as I felt so hideous and ugly. Like how Quasimodo must feel; alienated from the world so I cover it. I slap on makeup and wear extensions; I wear fancy clothes and do my nails all to draw attention of another kind or to make myself feel a little bit beautiful. If anyone saw me as me they'd run for the hills, I can't even look for my bald patches and scarred body, each patch coming with a unique memory. Something that felt good at the time but often left me writhing in pain. For someone who seemed so sure of themselves, I used my mansion to hide away from the world. Like the girl locked in the tower waiting for a true love. Nikki my love, I'm sure she'd understand but I feel so ashamed and embarrassed at the idea of her seeing me without my cover. I'd be vulnerable and it makes me sick. I can wake up with chills and cold sweats thinking about it, it's awful and something I'd never wish upon everyone.

Something I love about Nikki is that she's not obsessed with her hair or facial features and yet she's still stunning. Something about the way it frames her face and her gorgeous opposing coloured eyes give me tingles. I pull out a clump right at the back and when I catch the patch now shorter than ever on the back of my head…I break down in tears and cry. For this problem my TTM is hidden away like being gay in the back of the closet, I resent it, yet there is nothing I can do to stop it so I carry on.


End file.
